When I was much younger than I am now, I was bullied and harassed by a group of boys in my neighborhood. Not only did they poke fun at me, but as we grew older the mean comments and cruel remarks would turn to physical attacks like stealing my favorite bike, teasing me about it and throwing crab apples at me over the fence. (crab apples really hurt by the way)
Back then, my only response to this behavior was to run away crying (when I could) and feel sorry for myself. I spent many years thinking that there was something wrong with me and my personality and that if I could only fix it...DUH.
As I grew older and became a mother, I learned that bullying is more the problem belonging to the person who is doing the bullying and not the person on the receiving end. I made sure to teach my children that bullying behavior would not be tolerated and taught them instead how to be empathetic to others. My spiritually driven adult self had found balance.
I've learned many life lessons since then and have gone on to receive my doctorate in natural medicine and have made quite a name for myself as an intuitive hypnotherapist - mainly helping others to release the parasitic crap of the mind that kills dreams and self esteem.
Life is good - I think to myself. OR IS IT???
I recently moved to a new state with my husband. It is so amazingly beautiful here...we are closer to friends that are closer to our own age and it is nice. Not to long after we arrived and while having a nice get together, one of the friends (whom I've known for awhile now, but just haven't spent a lot of time with) announces with much pride that they are a bully and that there are basically two types of people in the world...those who bully and those who get bullied. The world just needed to accept that.
hmm...I ponder to myself. I would have never pegged this person as a bully - knowing the troubles of their past and shrugged it off thinking that being an adult bully surely cannot be as bad as the childhood rivals I had to contend with in school.
Since that conversation, I have witnessed numerous occasions where this person has verbally chastised others (including myself) in public, talk down to the very people who are loving and nurturing to them and even witnessed this behavior once towards a child!!!
It's mean...it's abrasive and NO-ONE says a damn thing when it's going on. My stomach begins to churn inside by the fact that this persons behavior is just tolerated. Well, ehem - not no one...I have spoken up with a brisk tongue to this person on a couple of occasions. I have to say it for sure falls on deaf ears and sometimes is countered with words like: "well if you weren't such an asshole" or "Hey, it's not my problem if you are offended by me...most people are"
The human in me wants to send this person a great big ass kicking that is probably long overdue. Hopefully to knock them back into the reality of.."UM, HELLO IDIOT, these are your friends!!!"
The intuitive, spiritual, SUPER SMART person in me sees a broken individual. (an extremely broken individual). is this person fixable? probably not - and even if so...not my battle to fight.
My point is that after much thought and consideration, I choose to continue to embrace this person as my friend and to be the better person in times of chaos. I no longer run away from bully's with my tail between my legs thinking that there is a flaw with me. I instead look closer at them.
I also now choose to see myself for who I really am and let the bully have no power over me. And I am hopeful that maybe someday they will truly see what they are doing to others and want to change it.
What would you do in a similar situation?
I'm sure that many of you have been caught in the personal dilemma of knowing that you have stayed way to long in a relationship, friendship, job or situation.
And once you realize it, it seems that you are Frozen in that moment, wondering if you have now missed all of the perfect opportunities to walk away with dignity and clear Karma.
So you wait for the right time.....again
Wait until the children start school....or have finished high-school...then college...
or until you have <insert unattainable amount of money here> saved up.....
maybe you stay because the person or situation still requires your attention
Whatever your reasons are, you feel justified in waiting a little longer and yet at the same time feel trapped and stuck. You begin to believe that there is no way out. Your energy level drops significantly and maybe your emotions have got you so caught up in the fear of disconnecting that you are beginning to feel depressed.
But seriously, How Long Is Too Long To Hold On?
I know these feelings all too well, and although it's been many years since I have experienced them on the level that I just described, I can remember them and the power that they can hold over you, as if it were yesterday. And for those of us who are prone to "stay longer than we should", we seem to attract similar situations over again, throughout life.
And when we are finally ready to love ourselves more than we love the fear and uncertainty - We realize that we haven't waited too long to let go and move on. That we have already met the challenges of this life lesson and that it is OK to detach.
So how do we do this from a loving space?
When I notice this happening in my life now, It is a different experience for me because I have learned how to evaluate the situation, realize what is best for me (which by the way, is usually what is best for all involved), and step away.
Do I still tend to stay longer than I should? You betcha - but it's for a different reason now and I am able to handle it differently than I did many years ago.
5 Simple Steps to Detach from What No Longer Serves You
When you are able to do this, you will be able to connect to the solution - emotion free and implement it for the highest and best good of all involved!
Would you like to read my story of self love and personal growth?
Changing the way I think about things has really empowered me to love myself - So much that I just had to share the story of my transformation with the world, in this e-book collaboration.
Download your FREE copy of "Lesson's In Self Love" Life stories of women who are changing their world by finding their worth! (You can find my story in Chapter 2)
This free ebook, full of raw truths and insightful stories about discovering the power of self-love in overcoming body image issues, serious health issues, broken hearts, poor relationship choices, substance abuse, sexual abuse and more.
Read our transformational journeys, which began with the understanding that our limited self worth were the chains that held us hostage, preventing us from living a life of inner happiness, fulfilment and freedom.
I'd Love to Hear From You!
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I was off and running straight out the gate!
I was on fire and in the lead of my own life...running swift, smooth, almost floating on air...
Finally finishing projects that I had promised myself I would do for years!
Things that I had put off for way to long and had set aside until...
Well, there was always an until in 2012!
But this year was going to be different, or so I thought - and almost as soon as I could see that bright yellow finish line, those who I have trained extremely well at needing me more that I could ever need myself, almost threw themselves in front of me, tripping me up with:
My life really sucks and I NEED you to stop what you are doing right now and help me!
So I paused for a moment...and with much love in my heart and peace in my soul said "I'm really sorry that I can't help you, but I promised myself that I wouldn't sell myself short this year and falter from my own needs, like I did last year"
and it feels good...really good! Much to my surprise, most people are fine with this response. The ones' that are not, I'm sure will eventually come around - but if they don't I will stay on track. Because it is so important to me to be an active participant in my own life...my own success.
I also made a important realization. I realized that when I do not set healthy boundaries, I am not actually helping anybody at all! I'm creating a detrimental block for both myself and the person I am helping by keeping both of us from experiencing personal growth.
Learning how to set boundaries was (and still is)my most difficult task AND the most important one for me this year!
I am still in the baby phases and learning, but it feels good to use this tiny yet powerful phrase to help me set healthy boundaries..
Try it yourself today! The next time one of your boundary breakers steps in, simply say:
"I'm really sorry that I cannot , but I promised myself that I would not and falter from my own needs like I did before."
Special thanks to Stephanie Ward - Firefly Coaching for her free report on setting healthy boundaries!
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